10 years on

10 years on eh?

Well, I’m not really fussed for the who ‘ageing’ thing and what I look like.

It’s more the ‘energy’ of the person in the pictures.

For me these pictures show me a willingness to change who I was being because it wasn’t serving me anymore.

The pic from 10 years ago is a guy on medication, unhappy and escaping as often as possible to alcohol and drugs without ever considering the implications on my physical and mental health.

A guy that was lonely and isolated himself unless he was drinking.

I told myself it was ‘all under control’ and that I can stop when I wanted.

Yet I never stopped for years.

I thought I was accepted when I was being this person but I never ever accepted myself.

The switch flicked later that year when I left corporate finance and moved into training as a personal trainer.

I started addressing my health that was declining.

I’d only a few years early got over a brain tumour and then meningitis of the brain.

I still had a auto-immune condition raging inside me.

The medications slowing symptoms on one side and destroying my liver & spleen on the other.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself in 10 years.

More than that, I’ve let go of a lot of things that don’t serve me anyone.

It’s been 10 years of profound growth and change.

It’s why Marta and I love this work.,

When I look at the path I was on 10 years ago, I was heading for implosion.

A life on the soulless corporate ladder.

Thank fuck I CHOSE to change!

We all have that choice.

Yet know this, this journey has plummeted me to the depths of darkness and at points I questioned the ‘point’.

Yet on the other side I found self acceptance.

That’s more than worth it.