12 Lessons Over 12 Years

Cliché I know but hear me out here…

It was our 12 year anniversary on Friday…

I wrote 10 lessons for 10 years (2 years ago)… FB kindly reminded me

So I dropped in a couple more for good measures

Seriously!

If you can apply those in your relationship, you are winning!

Winning at life … and sanity!

As without all of these, Cliff and I would definitely not be here celebrating…

1. COMMUNICATE

I wrote about this several times before in much detail…

If you ain’t in the game of talking, you better get practicing or you’re setting yourself up for a painful failure. Nothing can take you through challenge and crisis (and you won’t and can’t avoid these in your relationship let’s get real here for a moment) like a good ol’ human heart to heart conversation.

It has taken us years to get to this point, where we can talk almost anything through. As most of you know… Cliff wasn’t the most conversational and chatty! Even if you start with a few words, a simple statement that says ‘I don’t know what to say’ or ‘I don’t know how to deal with this’ you are already communicating!

2. NO ONE WILL EVER COMPLETE YOU

Simples… You are who you are and only you can know your value! You can work on yourself – yes, you can also explore! You can make different choices.

Yet remember – NO ONE, EVER will make you a better person, without you embodying that shiz yourself first!

3. SPEND TIME ON YOUR OWN

Yes, you read that right! Even more important than countless date nights is just this Giving each other space and knowing that it is necessary. This is the single most important thing that got us through 11 months traveling the world together, living in each other’s pockets without a single argument – I am serious!

4. NURTURE ROMANCE

Oh man… don’t even get me started on this one! Over the years it’s just so easy to either grow resentful as fuck towards each other (if you’re not following point 1 and all the others tbh) Or become really good mates, buddies, and BFFs that just happen to be comfortable naked around each other

5. YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS JUST A BIG FUCK OFF MIRROR

Understand that you don’t see the way they are in them! You see who and how you are through them. What pisses you off in him/her – you get to explore in yourself first before you go at them shouting and screaming. If you love something about them – high five yourself as you’re also seeing a reflection of something epic about you! Learn to appreciate that

6. KNOW WHERE YOU START AND FINISH

Get to know what is your shit and what’s theirs! Having a healthy level of separation, allows perspective and an ability to deal with crisis much more quickly and safely, without feeling like (yet again) a fucking Armageddon is coming!

7. SACRIFICE ALWAYS LEADS TO RESENTMENT – ALWAYS!

Period…If you feel like you’re sacrificing for the sake of your relationship on any level.

Be prepared for it to blow up in your face sooner or later… it will! That’s how it works my friends so think wisely! Communication (again!) is key here and solution finding where you both get to follow and explore whatever it is that you’re after. Thank fuck that Cliff and I (most of the time) love and are excited by the same stuff when we’re together. And we relentlessly practice point 3 (see – they’re all intertwined) so there’s no space for sacrifice and settling as it never ends well. Believe me… I’ve done it!

8. NEVER GO TO BED OR LEAVE THE HOUSE PISSED OFF AT EACH OTHER

Whatever it is – find a way to deal with it! Can you imagine the regret you may one day live with FOREVER?

9. BE SPONTANEOUS

#OBVS

Do I need to say more over here? Do crazy shit every now and again Or do it often! Whatever takes your fancy, routine is important and brings comfort and safety. Yet if that’s all you have in your life… God help you! (yawn! ) <— see what I did there…

10. YOU WILL (often in ways you can’t even see clearly) REPEAT RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS YOU LEARNT FROM YOUR PARENTS

And that’s a GIFT! Even though it often feels like it’s rolled around in explosive diarrhoea tied with a ribbon made of violent vomit You WILL! That’s how we’re constructed and operate as humans. You’ve learnt it as a child – when you took everything at face value. You’re bound to repeat it as this is what’s programmed into you…And please learn to treat it as a gift! You may be in the minority where you repeat the awesomeness that you’ve witnessed. The romantic, nonchalant, fulfilling partnership of excitement…Appreciate it!

Repeat that shit and teach EVERYONE how to do it! You’re the ‘chosen one’ as most of us let’s be honest, have learnt a hell of a lot of bullshit from our elders…And that’s cool, they didn’t know any different or weren’t in a place to choose Yet…You CAN!

So if and when you notice that your relationship begins to look awfully familiar… Talk! Take responsibility! And do something about it! And every time it happens and you deal with it, you’ll only end up stronger!

11. YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE

We’ve had coaches and mentors telling us we can’t have it our way. That we can’t work together, play house together and be best friends at the same time…Guess what? We fired them and we continued creating what we knew we wanted! Is it easy? Well… that’s a perception! Does it take work? Hell… a fuck tonne of work is what my experience tells me. And work that sometimes felt just like a true Sisyphean pursuit, yet we kept going! Is it worth it? I’ve got one answer for you…I would not have it any other way!

With all the challenges, with all the days when you just want to throw in the towel. To the most exhilarating experiences together And everything in between that you call life!

12. REMEMBER THAT LIFE GOES IN SEASONS AND CYCLES

Just like nature, equally in your life and relationship there will always be times that look and feel like spring, summer, autumn or winter. Everything in this earthly world is cyclical. Nurture each season and understand it’s purpose. It’ll make your life an relationship much easier.

Wooosh… it was awesome re-reading my words from 2019 and adding those 2 extra lessons.

I had no idea it was all going to come out as I wrote it on a whim as it (as always) just came through me!

I want you to know one thing Wherever you are in life, in a relationship or single

Fulfilled and happy or challenged beyond measure

Either way…YOU’VE GOT THIS!

And if you deep down just KNOW that you need to act and do something

DO just that as otherwise you’ll just end up living in misery and likely feeling like life happens to you rather than FOR YOU and THROUGH YOU.

M x