Wanna know who Marta 1.0 was before all her upgrades?

Have you ever wondered if your life can be different?

And I don’t mean in the woo woo, elusive and mystical sense!

Of course, that’s always a part of it.

Yet seriously, the day to day things that you do that piss you off yet you don’t know how to change…

Those ones that actually add up to the totality of your life

How fucked up and pointless it sometimes seem

Or how fulfilling and full of the epic stuff called joy it is

For ages I got trapped in a perception that when I do this or that course or follow this or that mentor, my life will be sorted.

I’ll be done and able to just get on and carry on with my life as if I was some re-born magical creature than never experiences any hardship

Pffft…..

Fuck me

Now thinking back, that sounds like a tremendously painful expectation

And it was!

But more on that another time

What my life is like now is far from what it used to be

Yet still

You barely get the real picture through the glowing screen of your phone of your iPad

And not because I don’t share what goes on

You know best that I do!

Yet the perceptions in your mind often go something like this just to prove to yourself that you can’t live your life the way you would love to:

You see my life now and often feel like you’ve got miles to travel until you can just about to touch my lifestyle

You feel like I am this super cool freaking chick that just creates effortlessly

Pursues her passions

And floats through life on a magical unicorn

And yeah

Most of the time I see myself like that too ???? ????????‍♀️ ????

YET!

Let’s pause for a second and rewind just a few years

About 10-15 I’d say roughly

If you saw and knew me back then

And had a peek under the surface

(I still had that epic smile of mine plastered all over my face most of the time in public, yet back then, there was helluva lot of pain hidden behind it – I literally got that gut wrenching feeling writing this now as you’re about to find out who Marta 1.0 used to be before all those upgrades took me to my magical unicorn farting glitter world that I now live in…)

Rewind back to the 20something old me…

An often moody bitch, playing the victim most of the time.

Calling out the whole fucking world and telling it how it’s just so unfair and how it hurts me and ruins my life

I was angry as fuck!

Seriously!

I used to throw shit at the wall when I lost my shit as I just could not figure out another outlet for all this mumbled up energy

And I had no freaking idea that you can actually transmute it and use it to your advantage ????

The thing you’d most often hear me say was: ‘I am so freaking broke again, I just can not afford it’

I used to connect to people through pain and frustration and everyone around me would speak a similar story

I’d have a glimpse every now and then that life can be different

Through this or that conversation with an epic friend or another tremendous human that was sent my way by the heavens to keep poking and prodding me into submission

Into the ever elusive world of responsibility

Where you know that you can do whatever the fuck you want

And that everything is just a choice away from you in each and every moment

Yet most of the time that’s where it would end

A conversation, quickly forgotten and put aside as I had to get on with my victimised life of frustration

And as a result guess what happened?

I never really did what I wanted to do, couldn’t hold up any hobby or passion

I’d procrastinate the fuck out of my time

Miss out on amazing adventures and experiences

As I was scared of joy and fulfilment

I’d always find a reason or an excuse to not go and do something that deep down I knew I really wanted

I never had any money

Frustration, fear, dread and depression used to fill up my life

In between glimpses of truth, yet more often escapism

To raving all night, dropping pills and drinking myself into oblivion

Does any of it resonate with you?

Can you see a reflection of you in me from back then in your now life you are living?

How do you feel the stuff you insist on repeating day to day (as you just don’t know how to get out of it) is hold you back in life?

Who does it stop you from being?

What does it stop you from doing?

What does it stop you from having?

I know it may feel just a bit icky to get real with yourself and to share publicly.

But maybe just maybe… now’s the time to get just a bit vulnerable?!

It’s powerful!

I promise

Can you make a promise to yourself today that just by sharing your shit, you allow yourself to open up to the change that you’re so desperately wanting?

If you can – share away, I’d love to see

What you feel stops you from being the bestest version of yourself that you just know you can be

And if you can’t – do it for yourself in privacy and silence

Pull out your journal

Write down all the frustrating stuff that you keep doing

It’ll show you A LOT of what you may not have been seeing!

Oh and if you missed my post on how sucking at life is actually good news that I wrote yesterday – read it ????????

It’s awesome!

More on what I actually did to change shit – TOMORROW!

So stay tuned epic people!

Yours truly is on a roll clearly

Over and out